14 sept 2007 (2nd day of ramadhan):
as i was teaching i heard the vibration of my z610i in my bag. i thought "who could it be?". after i let the chn play, i chked n my lil bro's name was there. gave him a callback n he asked "mak tak sms ko?" nope she didn't. he told me uwa was now on oxygen. i still had to work so after hanging up, i prayed silently that everything will be alrite. when all the chn were dismissed, i immediately called mom. i asked how uwa was n she said critical. i asked if i should go to the hospital n she asked me to go home n help k.mel clean up the house. as much as i wanted to go to the hospital, i followed mom's request n went home. i sms yan to tell her uwa is critically ill.
the house was already rearranged n it felt like hari raya spring cleaning only the atmosphere was more solemn. i took out the stuffs mom told me to n pack up the things in my room. then i layan the kids. at 6 plus, ngah said that uwa has passed away. i went on to layan the kids but in my head i couldn't help but think "why is everything still so normal (with the kids laughing n playing)?" along came back from work n after breaking the news to him did the tears start to fall. i guess, saying the words just made it so final... that she's no longer around.
lil bro came back with haziq juz before buka. so we iftar together... juz us siblings (with SILs n the kids n haziq, of coz) this is the first time we break fast without mom n dad at home. it was nice. thankz k.mel for cooking. n i've to thank my lil bro for kopek ikan for me. hee... manja gitu akak. ;)
they managed to bring back uwa's body around after ishak. when they laid the body on her bed in the room i used to share with her, all covered up, i wanted to uncover her face to take a look. mom said "nanti dulu mak nak bersihkan" so i took a step back n juz leaned on the cupboard. cuzin hamid then asked me if i wanted to see her face. i juz shook my head as tears started flowing down my cheeks. i was sobbing too. he insisted n uncovered her face. she looked like she was sleeping. i didn't know what to do so i just stood there, tissue in one hand n the other hand stroked her white hair. her forehead was still warm (maybe it's my imagination but it DID feel warm to me). mom cleaned up the body n lia n i helped oil her joints. her once cramped up toes were now nicely next to each other.
then people started coming to pay their last respects, read yaasin n recite al-fateha. the last few people left at around 1am. after resting a little, i accompanied lia for a late dinner at about 2am followed by an hour of shut eye. next thing i knew it was time to sahur.
15 sept 2007:
had a shower after subuh n soon people started to come. the house was packed by 9am. after they bathed the body, it was time to tabur pacai. one by one, uwa's 3 sisters kissed her. when it was my turn, my vision was blurred with tears. i tried to be strong, to stay calm but i guess i juz can't keep it all inside. so between sobs that i try to control as much as i can, i kissed her on her cheeks n forehead. how cold her skin feels this time. n it finally sink in that she's no longer around.
i went to the masjid for the prayer but not to the graveyard as it is not encouraged for ladies to go. back home, there were still people around. talked to nana about stuffs juz to take my mind off the situation. everything seemed back to normal except that there were alot of people around eventhough it was the fasting month.
we had tahlil before break fast n eventhough less than the expected number of relatives turned up (coz org2 bt batok sume dah penat from their tour de kubor), the food was finished (coz later at nite k.mimi came over to take the food). mom told me that with each guest that was leaving, she seeked their forgiveness on behalf of uwa n most said "dia takde salah, dia org yg baik" alhamdulillah. insyaallah, rohnya akan dilepaskan dari seksa kubor dan dia akan ditempatkan bersama orang2 yang dikasihi dan dilindungi Allah s.w.t.

now i miss her (i know it's a little delayed. lia already missed her after we came back fr masjid). i still tear when i read things abt her (in k.mel's blog). even as i typed this entry, my eyes are like leaky faucets. there won't be anymore roti boyan or sayuran or pudding roti in future. there will only be the memories.
thank you to all those who sent me sms of condolences n heartwarming wishes. thank you for the words in your blogs n unsaid ones in your heart. may Allah bless you n your family.

p.s. to those who have lost loved ones in this blessed month of ramadhan, just remember that Allah is only lending them to us n that He has come to take them back for He loves them and He knows what's best for you and me.

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