THAT was news. i was speechless. i still am. duno wat to make of it. heh~

i'm flattered of coz. i'm not pretty nor am i a brilliant student. so to be told tat not only one someone but two someones were vying for my attn, is flattering. granted, it's all in the past. still...

now... now i dun suppose i have anyone vying for my attn. it's been work n home for as long as i can rmbr. of coz there's the occasional meet up with frenz. but no datez.

ah well~ good thingz will come to those who are patient. so dear God please grant me patience. abundance of it. coz sometimes i juz seem to almost run out of it.

i tink i'll go to sleep n maybe i'll see a guy who's sweet. hehehe...

i thought i'd be staying home for the nite. went to watch live band performance instead. ;)

guess who i went with...?

.

.

.

nope... not a guy.

.

.

.

nah... not with frenz.

.

.

.

i went to watch the live bands with...

me mom!!!

coolness rite? it was a last minute thing. n it was only at the park across the street. but it was still great. i've always loved live bands. though the singing was a bit off at times but the whole music playing was goody goody great! the best part about listening and watching a live band is the whole singing along with the band. hehe... there were 3 bands: joy band, elmo's act and last minute call up (or so i think those are their names ;^^).

k lah. tatz it. can;t concentrate. watching shugo chara. hehe... n i'm gg to sleep in awhile. tmr's another day of tuition. ganbate ne yaney!

woke up at 5am today. went out of the house ard 545am. reached the airport by 6am. he's already out wif his luggage n all. had breakfast at mcD's. sent falah back home. went back to the airport n finally home sweet home.

he gave me 3 thingz: a tube of foaming body soap wif a froggie sitting at the end of the tube, a book entitled Muhammad as if you can see him n an Egypt collar badge. the book, i realized, is written by the same guy who wrote the book i rcvd fr my double swap partner. how cool is that?! i haven't started reading this book coz i've a stack of books that's been waiting for me to finish. i've already finished 2 of them. both are fiction. i get through fiction much faster than non-fiction. someone once told me that fiction is trash. which is kinda true coz they can make one fantasize too much n forget abt watz really important. but i cant help myself reading them anyway coz it getz my creative juices running i find them more interesting than non-fic. heh...

ritez then... i shd go to sleep. haven't slept since 5am (xcept for a 20min or so nap on the mrt). my eyelids are really heavy. let me end tis entry wif a quote from the book The Chaos King by Laura Ruby:

wait! make that two quotez coz here's another one:

i wished for this 'permanence'

unchanged feelings...

the ties that bind us...

"we'll be together forever"

but you can't hope to bind people

nor can you bind their feelings down

i don't want to get left behind

i don't want to be afraid

i don't want a world where nobody needs me

i don't want a world full of strangers

to live without 'promises'

or a 'bond'

to live without this 'permanence'

to live with strangers...

it scares me...

it scares me to know 

that there's no guarantee

that i would be loved

would anyone notice if i just disappeared

so we had to go back to office to keep all the camp stuffs. mrB so did not help carry the stuffs into the store room. he juz let us GALZ do the carrying n storing. *clapz handz* when we told him there's probably not enuf space for everything n asked if we could use those many empty shelves in the store room. he juz said no we can't use them coz they belong to another dept. but they are so not using them shelves. so y can't we use them? they sure dun need so many shelves. we do. he even wanted us to separate the camp stuffz fr the normal class stuffz. i can see his logic in wanting to do so. but we can only achieve that IF we have enough space in the first pl. so we juz put them stuffz wherever we cld (read: by putting them in the shelves allocated for normal class stuffz). he juz don't understand it coz he doesn't get his hands 'dirty' in the nitty gritty. oooh~ tat rhymes! hehehe...

went out after work with a sec sch fren. on the way home, while crossing the road, felt someone tap me. bro n ana was walking in the oppo direction. i was so engrossed looking at the stars (although they were really faint) that i didnt notice them. =P in the train, there was this indian kid. he looked really scared. he was on the verge of tears. i realized he was hearing impaired (he was wearing a hearing aid in his right ear). he kept standing on the seat n looking around. like he was looking for someone. i assume it's his mom. i gave him a tissue but he didnt want it. i wrote on a piece of paper asking him where he lives but he juz shook his head n his hand. then at paya lebar, he seem to recognize the place n he started pointing out the window n clapping his hands. he was smiling. his joy was so obvious. i couldn't help but feel happy n relieved for him. he got down from his seat n went in the direction of his mom (so i assume). he didn't come back to that seat (like he did once), so i really hope he found his guardian n alighted at the right stop. the guardian shouldn't have left that kid on his own. he was really scared. i hope i never do that to my child (if i ever get married n have kids of my own).

my whole body is aching n my head will sometimes juz throb w/o warning.

even my student commented that i look sleepy. =P that is such a bad sign! tsk~

met up wif zaki, fahi n ana on sunday... like FINALLY! too bad adha wasn't ard. haven't seen her since tat day (i cant rmbr when) tat we went to esplanade. wonder when i'm gona see her again. d 3 stoogiez have yet to gather once more for a camwhoring session. =(

went to langkawi wif mom. ikut rombongan. i didn't realize tat ela's PiLs were there till i showed mom the pix after tfrg them to my babyMac. hahaha... how oblivious can i get? ;P we weren't in the same bus so mayb tatz y. but i was in the same performance grp as them. yet i duno who they were. how ignorant of me. anyway, it was a great trip though there's one disappointmt: didn't get to go snorkel/jet ski/any of them water sports. y? coz the tide was low n we were short of time. *sobz* ah well... mayb nxt time.

i tink i've changed. i'm less caring now. more selfish self-centred. mayb the words of someone has begun to sink in n thus i care more abt myself. but i dun like it tis way. i think it's better to care more abt others. but then again ppl also say that in an emergency situation, save urself first before saving others. so... i duno. kinda confused right now. but ya... i think i'v little tolerance for ppl who assert their 'authority'. i get really blunt n mayb sarcastic when i say somethng to these ppl. not very nice of me i must say. but i cant stand it. others might prefer to juz grouse abt it in the absence of such 'authority' but me... depending on my mood, i might juz say it in their face. however, if after airing my view in their face n they still think that their view/order stands, then i'll juz hold my tongue n let them b. no point wasting my breath, words n saliva to someone who thinks that only they r right.

i miss daddy. ritez~ tat is sooo random! n i miss his performance last weekend. wish i was there to see. saw some pix of him wif a gitar. *swoon* hahhaa... nah~ i duno wat i want. i kinda know wat i dun want. so is tat alrite? probly not. may Allah guide me in making wise choices in life that will benefit me on earth n the hereafter. amin~

oh! u know wat... i go to great length for ppl i like. i'd do things for them even w/o them requesting me to help them. tat is not a new revelation but i juz wanted to say it. ;)